nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
