I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
