My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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