I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize