So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
