if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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