I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
