College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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