I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
