I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
