Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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