Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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