I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
