i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
