youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize