Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
