Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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