oh god the rape fog is back!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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