That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
