I wish my penis had an off switch
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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