there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
