I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
