My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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