I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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