you guys were way drunker than both of me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Randomize
