I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
