Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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