Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
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