She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
