Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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