I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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