She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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