If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
