and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
