In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
