a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
