my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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