I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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