You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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