I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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