im gay
i know
yea but for you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
