So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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