just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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