PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
