I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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