we have pet lesbian snakes
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
