I don't usually arrange sex via text message
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
