A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
