She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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