i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize