he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
