I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
