Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
