My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
