i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
