I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
