Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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