Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
