So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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