Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
