She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize