Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
