Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
