i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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