a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
