HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
