While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
