I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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