Screwed.edu
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
