Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
