he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
