Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
