Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
